Dealing with Depression

Is Mental Illness Actually Biblical  *Check out that link before you read on

I got this article from a friend this morning. A friend who truly loves me and tries to understand this disease that plagues me. A friend who see's a whole lot more to me than simply this disease. Its a really great article and its so true...if only the "church" (or even non-church goers) could grasp this concept instead of belittling, and talking condescending about it and about those that suffer from it...there might be a lot less hurt, wounded people (although still battling depressing and anxiety) walking around. If people would just educate themselves rather than speaking about things they know nothing about and passing judgement on people who suffer from depression and anxiety. I have three best friends and all of them have "held my hand" through some very tough times. They have been compassionate and sympathetic, even empathetic. They know me as a person. A very light hearted, fun person who truly does enjoy life. They don't give up on me and walk out of my life when depression grips me. They speak loving words to me and lift me up in prayer and are very encouraging to me. They hold me accountable to the healing process.

Someone in my very own family once told me, "if you would just serve others, you would be fine." Little did this family member know, I WAS serving others on a very regular and consistent basis...through my church and even through my own community. And I STILL do those things and enjoy every minute of it and look forward to it each time I am given the opportunity to do so. Instead of just investing (even a little) time in/with me...getting to know me, this family member assumed the worst in me and treated me as if my faith in God was lacking. As if this family member was on some Holy Mountain that I hadn't yet even begun to climb.

Unfortunately, "serving others" isn't the end of this disease for me, but thankfully I have invested in healing and taking care of myself through not only my faith and praying, but I also feel God has lead me down some wonderful medical avenues to continue in that healing process. Thank God, the way I was raised and the things that were taught in the church (growing up) didn't stop me from digging deeper into God and allowing him to direct my path to where I am today. Because those things might have completely broken me. Those things that were ingrained since childhood might have actually PREVENTED me from following God's ultimate path for me.

I have always been a completely open book about the fact that I am in therapy on a weekly basis and that I suffer from depression. I am not ashamed of it. I know that because of it, God has used me in others lives to be empathetic and compassionate and even a friend when no one else would hear them or understand them. I for one, understand...in a very real way. I do everything I can to make those therapy appointments an absolute priority for me. My husband has also supported me in this and has made sure I get to those appointments each week. My husband has been my rock and I thank God each and every day because God knew (long before I even met Kevin), that I would need a man such as Kevin to support me and not tear me down. If my husband had treated me as my family member did or used the words that family member did, I don't think our marriage would have lasted. In my dark times, I don't even think I would have lasted. He has stood right beside me, even carried me through those very dark times.

Those appointments (therapy) have truly helped me discover new ways of responding to difficult situations in life. They have helped me become FULLY aware of the times when depression is leaking in and taking hold and those appointments have taught me how to be proactive in "shutting it down"...not allowing the depression to take hold...like it use to. Through those appointments I have learned that I DO have a voice. And that I DO deserve to be heard. That just because I struggle with this disease, it doesn't give another person the right to shut me down, shut me up or talk down to me. It has been very tough work...and the journey has been a long one...some days are easier than others, but committing to the effort for healing has  definitely been life changing for me.

If you don't suffer from depression or anxiety its a wonderful thing. I guarantee, there are other things you do suffer from...even if it is, foot-in-mouth. We all have our challenges in life. I tend to look at mine as another challenge to look for God in and trust in Him. Maybe consider educating yourself before you assume all depression is the same. There are so many levels to depression. Some people may grieve the loss of a loved one and feel depressed for a short time, while others suffer from depression their whole lives, for no particular reason at all. While still others might suffer depression from another completely unrelated illness that plagues them. Regardless, whatever stage someone might suffer from with depression, each and every person deserves respect and each and every person has a process to go through or get to in order to receive healing. Simply telling someone to "serve others" or telling them to "get over it", unfortunately isn't the cure-all and you could be doing a lot more damage than good.

Scarves For Life

Last year I did a silent auction on one of my infinity scarves and received a $100 donation towards my goal for the Relay For Life. So this year (2014) I thought I would continue (somewhat in that vein) and make infinity scarves in memory of my Dad, Carl Letsen and my Aunt Susan Letsen. 

For those that don't know, my life was first affected by cancer when my favorite Aunt Susan was diagnosed with Breast Cancer that had gone undiagnosed for so long that it had spread throughout her body. I spent many afternoons with her in the Hospice Center, after school. I still remember my very last afternoon spent with her like it was yesterday. She couldn't finish a sentence as she tried so hard to talk to me. She kept falling back to sleep. Her breathing, at that point, had become very shallow and trying for her. I didn't want her to suffer anymore and that was my hearts cry to God that afternoon as I left. God brought her to her Heavenly home on my 20th birthday and as hard a pill as that was to swallow, I know that was a beautiful gift from God, as it was the first day in her new life with no more suffering. 

My dad (AKA Pops) was diagnosed in mid-2011 with stage 4 melanoma metastasized to his liver. At the time he was given 9 months. Regardless, my Pops faith remained steadfast. For just about 2 years he suffered through different trials of medications, underwent gamma knife surgery and a couple hospital stays. He was such a trooper...never giving up on what God had called of him to do in his time here. He spoke to many people about his journey in hopes of giving them HOPE in theirs. He made a point of seeking out other cancer patients to pray with and encourage. This became his mission. He yearned to share his testimony with all he came across. He knew that even though he had cancer, he was also touched by God in a very special way. Last year, on April 29, he went on to be with his savior and is now living his new life without the pain of cancer or any other pain this world has to offer.

I make these scarves to honor their memory, as well as all the others that have battled with cancer. The very sad truth is, cancer seems to have become a part of our every day language in this world. I feel like every time I turn around and share my experience with cancer, someone else is sharing theirs with me. Its heart breaking the toll cancer is taking on those we love. My biggest hope is for a cure. To put a stop to cancer and make it a thing of the past. This is why I have joined ranks with others in the fight and participate in the Relay for Life with the American Cancer Society to raise money to help find a cure. 

This is my very own, personal design that I am dedicating specifically to the RELAY FOR LIFE. ALL proceeds will go directly to this event...now and for any future events...I have specific colors that I am working with to honor their memory: Black (Melanoma Awareness-Dad), Pink (Breast Cancer Awareness-Aunt Susan) and Blue (my Dad's favorite color). I have varying shades of those three colors. I have a limited supply of each color (so orders for specific colors will also go 1st-come-1st-serve and according to supply). I can also take requests for different colors depending on my yarn stash/supply (If the main colors don't peek your interest...I have browns, greens, and purples). I am asking for a $40 donation for each scarf. I can accept cash or check. ALL of the money will be put towards my goal of $1000 for the Relay For Life. If you don't want one for yourself (as these are a somewhat feminine accessory), please consider getting one for your Mom, Sister, Girlfriend, Wife, and/or Daughter. It's for such a GREAT cause. And if you STILL don't want one, that is ok...maybe you'll consider helping me raise money for the American Cancer Society and donate to my relay. 

I created a BRAND NEW EMAIL address specifically for the scarf orders: skarves4life@gmail.com

Details needed when you email me your order:

Name and Address for Shipping 

Color you prefer 1st and 2nd choice in case the 1st choice is no longer available.

**as mentioned above, orders placed on 1st-come-1st-serve and will depend on my yarn supply**

Please visit my Relay Dashboard to see why I am doing this: Erin's Relay Center

Below are pix of the ones finished so far (and up for grabs)...I am steady making these scarves right now...so these ones below won't be all there is:

Pink Passion

Caribbean

Mixed Berries

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God Bless!

Erin Wright
703-298-7510

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."      ~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~

Its GO Time!

WOW! What a fun time hosting my very first silent auction. And for such short notice...I think it was pretty successful with the winning bit coming in at $100. I definitely think the Relay for Life is going to be a permanent fixture in my life and I am already thinking about what I can do next year to raise funds. I definitely see more auctions in my future. With more preparation, there is so much I can do between now and then to create things more "cancer awareness" specific. Since my Dad passed away with Melanoma...who knows...maybe a black ribbon scarf & hat set. We shall see. The wheels in my head are definitely spinning right now.

Today is the Relay for Life and I am super excited about it. We have the kids taken care of (by their sweet Mams) for the night. They are super excited to go spend the night with her and their GG and Papaw. Kevin and I will be able to stay for the whole night at the Relay this year and we are definitely looking forward to being with friends and family as we celebrate those that are still fighting and those that have gone on to be with Jesus.

I definitely had "anxious" sleep last night. Woke up at 2 and couldn't stop thinking about everything I needed to get prepared for the event. Packing, food, making things. This morning I have been working on a sign as our team is hosting the annual Corn Hole event. GOOD TIMES!

The one thing I am REALLY looking forward to tonight is the slideshow and the Luminaria ceremony. I am sure there will be lots of tears shed as I am really missing my Pops right now, but there is a peace that settles in as this ceremony is happening.

Well, thanks to everyone for all their LOVE and SUPPORT as I walk for the 2nd year in the Relay for Life.

RELAY FOR LIFE

Infinity Scarf Auction for Cancer Awareness

THIS AUCTION HAS ENDED!

I am so happy to announce that I have reached my goal of $500 (actually, I have even surpassed that goal thanks to my Aunt Nancy) in efforts to raise funds and awareness for cancer in the Relay for Life that I will be participating in on Saturday, June 15, 2013. THAT'S TOMORROW!!!! I have been racking my brain all week to figure out a way to come up with more funds to go to The American Cancer Society through funds raised doing the Relay. And it came to me EARLY this morning...at 5:30...and I couldn't get back to sleep! So here it is...

I am hosting my first official silent auction!

I have considered selling my creations for quite a while now, but have wrestled with the idea of getting caught up with making things based on the demand of a sale vs. making things for my friends and family because I really enjoy doing that. So this auction brings my heart so much joy because in a sense,  my own personal creation (something I am VERY passionate about) is bringing in a proceed...however, 100% of that proceed is going to something else I am VERY passionate about and that is raising awareness for Cancer Research in the Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society.

Last year I walked with my Dad (in honor of him) who was battling it out with stage IV Melanoma and this year I am walking in memory of him as he has gone on to be with his heavenly father on April 29.

So here is how it works, once this blog posts today, this auction will go to mid-night tonight. I will start the bidding at $30. In the comments section below is where you can post your bids. I will check back on the auction at mid-night tonight and the scarf will go to the highest bidder at that time. So along with your bid I will need one or all of the following in order to notify you:

1) Email
2) Facebook ID
3) Twitter ID

Once I have notified you, your bid will be paid by way of my relay for life dash board (where you can also see my bio and the full reason I am walking). ONCE I see your bid post to my relay dashboard in the full amount, I will send the scarf. There are NO REFUNDS and if the full amount isn't posted, I will send the prize to the next highest bidder as I thank you for your donation :-) . So if the bid comes through on my dashboard early enough I can have this scarf in the mail tomorrow morning. So that said, please make sure you check your email, facebook, twitter account for notice and that way I can get your mailing info as soon as possible for your prize.

So for the prize (and I apologize in advance, I am not a photographer...these aren't the greatest pictures):

 A little info about the scarf...its my personal pattern. I named this scarf after my BFF "Christy". All my patterns are named after someone I love. There is a twist in the scarf. So technically it is a mobius and it just adds a little more "character" to the scarf. An infinity scarf can be worn draped long (like the first picture) or doubled up for a bunchy effect. The last picture is just a close up so you get a better idea of how the pattern looks.

So for the winner, if you are a crocheter, as a bonus I am happy to send you the written pattern. Please be sure to follow care instructions as this will shrink in the wash if not handled properly.

The scarf is made with shadow lace yarn (2 hanks)
color: Nocturne Heather
Fiber Content: 100% Merino Wool

Yarn Weight: Lace

Knitting Gauge: Lace Weight

Yards: 440yds

Grams: 50g

Put Up: hank

Care: Hand Wash/Dry Flat

 (this yarn can be purchased at Knitpicks)

Don't forget to come check out my bio on my relay for life dash board: RELAY FOR LIFE

Now LET THE BIDDING BEGIN......

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo Book Tip: Create an adventurous travel photo album at Shutterfly.com.

Back in mid-June I did my very first Relay for Life with the majority of my family (and some friends) in honor of my Dad and in memory of my Aunt Susan. It was such an amazing event. I took lots of pictures and put them into this book that I made on Shutterfly.com.

Be Near Me Now

So about 2 months ago I bought the book: When God and Cancer Meet and until today I just couldn't bring myself to even open it.  I kept picking it up, looking at the cover and then putting it down again.  The fear of cancer has had a very strong hold on me...strong enough that I couldn't bring myself to read "true stories of hope and healing". In my eyes, cancer and hope/healing didn't go together.  But today, I put my daughter down for her afternoon nap and I sat down (trying to do no TV during the days right now) and it was actually QUIET.  As much as I always try and escape noise and chaos, I don't ever seem to settle into "quiet" very well.  I get antsy with "quiet".  So I sit down and this book just so happens to be right in front of me...staring at me..."open me".  I got a very unsettling feeling in my stomach...a very familiar, unsettling feeling...anxiety!  So I just said a little prayer: God, please be near me now.  Let me feel your presence as I open this book. PLEASE, let me feel you near me.  Please comfort me and settle my fears and anxieties about cancer. 


And so I opened the book and began to read. Just reading the introduction had me in tears. After today's reading,
#1 I know I want to keep reading this book to the very end.
#2 I MUST have a box of tissue handy each time I open it and 
#3 I can't forget to pray before.


Aunt Susan died of cancer some years ago and it really scarred me and my memories of her and of cancer.  It was a life altering event for me.  I watched as she got sicker and sicker with this disease. I spent my afternoons after cosmetology school in the hospice center with her. I remember the very last day I spent with her, she was having trouble breathing and even staying awake long enough to finish a sentence as she was trying very hard to have a conversation with me.  I kept telling her I loved her and to just rest and that it was "OK", we'll talk later.  I remember leaving her room that day and slumping down outside of her door, just crying and begging for God to please just take her and please don't let her suffer anymore.  I still remember the look on my mom and sister, Sara's face as I opened my apartment door on my birthday and inside knowing what they were going to tell me, while walking away from them screaming NO!  At the same time my phone was ringing and it was my Dad. It kind of felt like everything was spinning out of control around me. My Dad ALWAYS knows just what to say and just how to say it so that it goes to the very fibers of your being. Like he's telling you everything is going to be OK and you just believe it will be because he said so. Even though the pain your feeling is more than you can bear. He told me to think of it as a birthday gift from the Lord because Aunt Susan was no longer suffering, but was finally at COMPLETE peace and with her heavenly Father.  Every time I think of my aunt Susan and how much I miss her, I remember those words my dad spoke to me and then I see her face...no sadness, no pain, no tears, just joy and complete peace.


When Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 melanoma back in June, I felt as if someone was ripping my guts out.  I felt like I had just had the wind knocked out of me.  I was gasping for air, but couldn't find it. How could this happen to HIM? I remembered instantly (what I tried for years to forget) how sick Aunt Susan was and how much pain she was in and how much medicine she was on to help her cope with the pain and I was begging God to NOT do this to my Dad. I didn't want to see another person I loved go through what my aunt had gone through, especially my dad.  I thought, its just to much, God.  I can't bear to watch this...again. And yet, for whatever reason, my Dad has had to endure all the hardships of this cancer and the meds...the weight loss, appetite loss, mouth soars, hair loss, vision loss, memory loss, hearing loss, soars all over his body, nausea, coughing up junk, tiredness, fatigue, chills (etc.).  One of the medicines he is taking now for the melanoma actually has a side affect of skin cancer.  Really?!?! Isn't that what started this whole mess to begin with?!?! He just had a mole on his face biopsied that came back positive and so now he will endure ANOTHER surgery, having already had the Gama knife as well as radiation on his brain.  He gets bad news repeatedly, and then a little glimmer of hope with good news and then slammed again with bad news. And yet, he still FIGHTS. He has never wavered in his faith or his will to live...to survive.  He still trusts the Lord and has even told us (his kids and wife) that the Lord told him in the beginning this was going to be for us.  Well, what does that mean? How is this FOR us? What are we supposed to get from watching our dad suffer this way? Some days I feel like "I get it" and some days I just don't have a clue what God is trying to show us and I feel lost and ashamed that I feel the way I feel while my Dad continues to stay strong and unwavering, even in the sickest, most physically painful, trying times of his life.


Today, as I was reading this book (When God and Cancer Meet), I felt His presence near me and this is what I read:


      I can't tell you how, when, or where God will bring a blessing through your trial of suffering. But I can tell you why - because His word promises He will.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (NASB). 
     God will bring blessing through your trial because you matter greatly to Him and He longs to show you that. He may bless you with physical healing, or He may bless you by healing you emotionally of some deep-seated hurts. He may bless you spiritually with the joy of knowing Him in a way you never have before. Or He may bless others through you in unimaginable ways.
     My blessing from cancer is certainly not the one I sought, but because God knows me and loves me, He knew how to bless me.
     ...God wants to bring blessing through your cancer experience: you just need to let Him decide the blessing.


Lynn Eib may never read my blog, but those words she wrote in her book (about 10 years ago) were meant for me...today! If I just find a way to rest in him and if I continue to lay this at his feet and not let it grip me or rule my "world", I will gain HIS blessing in it and find peace in Him through this process. If I have learned nothing else through this process or through the many other trials in life, I know for sure I have learned that God's word is FULL of promises, just for me (and you) and that is why it is so important to remain IN HIS WORD! So that we remember His promises to us AND so that we can remind Him of His promises as we pray and cry out to Him.


My Dad's Cancer Journal

Lynn Eib's Story

When God and Cancer Meet

Sleepy Time Pooh!

So I guess now is a good time to BLOG, since I haven't done so in FOREVER! There are lots of babies coming this summer. Some to friends and at least one to family. So I have been a busy bee lately making little goodies. My latest finished product has taken me a lot longer than I originally anticipated, which became frustrating for me. However, I am quite pleased with the finished product and I can't wait to give this to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, who are due to have their very first little bundle-O-joy within the next week.

Like I said, USUALLY it doesn’t take this long for me to finish a project, but I was working on other projects in between so that I wouldn’t get bored with this particular pattern. I love the look of it. Its a very simple stitch. Its so pretty, but its so monotonous. The middle is somewhat like a bobble stitch, then around that main part I just added a few rows of DC’s in the different colors.

The inspiration for this blanket came from the border for the nursery (seen in the last picture), so to match that I just made simple DC granny squares to put around the border of the blanket. I found a really cute flannel at JoAnn’s that had all the pooh characters taking a nap, which just seemed fitting. So of course, I had to get it and sew it on.

I’m pretty pleased with how the blanket turned out…However, I am still needing to really work on my sewing skills. I guess its true what they say…practice makes perfect.

Yummy Cupcake

Niagara Falls into Yarn

I'm really not much of a blogger, but I think this past weekend is something worth a mention. There were so many fabulous memories and all shared with one of my bestest buds!

For several months my husband was trying to help me plan some "get-away" time for just me. A time to get away from it all (kids, house, hubby, dog, cat, etc.) and catch up on some much needed rest and have some "me-time". It seemed like nothing was really coming together. Nothing sounded quit right for me and as much as I wanted to get away, I was nervous about being "alone". Thats when Gege came to the rescue! Nothing quite like a bestie with the same passion (obsession) as yours. YARN - CROCHET - YARN - HOOKS - YARN and OH! Did I mention YARN???

Gege had been wanting to go to Canada forever and up until now, had not had the opportunity. I didn't care where we went, as long as it didn't involve changing any diapers, listening to whining, cooking any meals or listening to any animals chasing each-other through the house. She discovered a couple places online that she wanted to go to...YARN places! So this began our trip planning...and the feeding frenzy that IS our obsession. For the next couple weeks we planned and plotted out our trip all centering around going to a couple yarn stores/factories and napping...and a little extra here and there.

For day one we planned on getting to Canada, getting settled in our room and then having about a half a day to see the sights...well, the main sight, being the Niagara Falls. I mean, we were RIGHT there. But instead we got a little TO settled into our room and we both passed out on our nice cozy beds and the the comfiest pillows you could ever imagine. I know for me, that pillow had been calling my name for at least several months. We woke up a little after dinner time, ordered some nasty pizza and headed out for a little stroll. We thought we could walk all the way to the falls, but yeah, that just didn't happen. The falls were a little farther from our hotel than we expected and my gimpy leg wasn't allowing it. So we opted for plan B, take a couple pictures of the scenery and head back to the hotel to get ready for a LATE movie. Ok, the movie was only at 10:30, but for me being a SAHM and having early risers in the morning, I'm not use to being out past 9ish anymore...this was late. Naughty even! We saw the movie The Other Guys and OH MY GOODNESS! What a funny movie. I laughed the whole all the way through. I was quite impressed with Mark W.'s comedic acting skeelz! I didn't know he had it in him...not to mention, he IS rather "easy on the eyes".

On Friday we began our journey into Listowel, Ontario, Canada. What a beautiful drive. We drove through (what we think was) a rather large Menonite farming community. I just am so drawn to (fascinated) their way of life. I love seeing all the beautiful farms and the horse drawn carriages and the "simple-ness" of it all. I often wonder how they do it with all the fast paced technology of today. I always find that it really relaxes me to drive through communities like this...sets a mood of peace over my being. Which was probably very timely considering the frenzy that was just ar

ound the corner.

We FINALLY made it to the tent sale at the Yarn Factory Outlet and my heart started racing and I was getting butterflies in my stomach. I started thinking, does my husband really realize what he has sent me off to? When we walked in there was a woman at the front asking if we needed a "shopping bag" and obviously, both Gege and I said YES! We were then handed a 30 gallon trash bag. I actually started to worry about Gege...well, more about her husband upon her return from this trip. As I was standing there trying to process what was happening, I turned and looked and there was no more Gege. I lost her before I even started. This place was awesome. Huge boxes FULL of yarn. It was actually overwhelming. I didn't know where to even begin. After a couple hours there, filling up our bags and wiping the drool from our face, we paid for our "booty" and headed into town because we had passed a used book store that I wanted to go to. One of my goals was to go to a used book store to look for some pattern books. Once we got there, the guy told use they actually had a booth set up at the tent sale. OMG! We had completely missed it because we had completely zeroed in on the yarn and didn't see ANYTHING else. So e went BACK to the tent, found the books and I actually found a treasure of a crochet pattern book. I am already working on a vest that I found in the book. Can't wait to wear it this fall.

So after the frenzy, we were completely exhausted. We headed back into Toronto for the next two nights. We decided to have a fabulous dinner at a Greek restaurant that night and get back to our crochet.

On Saturday, we went into the city of Toronto to Queen Street. Makes me think of Georgetown, DC (Gege thought NY). This place gave me serious anxiety. Very closed in and TONS of people and chaos everywhere. We parked our car and headed into what I would like to refer to as "yarn heaven". A place called Romni Wools. What the WHAT?!?!?! I have never seen anything like this. Every single nook and cranny was stacked with Yarn. And not just the yarn you see at like JoAnn's or A.C. Moore (nothing agaist those places), but this stuff was different and colorful and all kinds of textures. It was amazing. And we had only scratched the surface, they also had a BASEMENT of overstock, discount and discontinued yarn. What the WHAT the WHAT?!?!?! I found some super fun yarns down there and Gege even got a fun tutorial from two fabulous, silly ladies on spinning. I LOVED this place. Lucky for our hubbies its a 10 hour drive for us...LOL. Otherwise I'd be in there everyday.

On Sunday we knew it was time to head home and we only had one more stop to make before our trip could be considered "complete"...Niagara Falls. We drove around on the Canada side trying to find parking for at least an hour before we decided it would have to be something done on the States side. So we began our LONG, tedious journey of crossing the border. Parking in NY (surprisingly) was much easier and it was only a short walk to the falls. The view completely took my breath away. I have never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. We took lots of pictures and some video because the sound is so amazing too. And a sweet couple took a picture of Gege and I next tot he falls...a perfect keepsake of a perfect vacation get away.

So I have been home for almost a week now and I am still not down from my high from that trip. My hubby has already ok'ed for me to make this an annual event. So Gege, I can't wait for our next adventure together. Love you girl. I couldn't have asked for a better travel buddy!

I haven't written in here in quite a while.  There has been lots happening in the Wright household.  Since the last time I wrote, Kayla has turned a year old.  Its just nuts to look back on this year with her and how fast it went by.  We had so much fun with our family and close friends celebrating her first birthday.  She LOVED the cake...a little too much I think.  It was hysterical to watch her eat it.  She had it all over her face, her hair, even up her nose.  She was in heaven.

Thanksgiving was a very eventful weekend for us.  We spent Thanksgiving Day with my side of the family.  My baby brother was up from Florida with his bride-to-be and this was the first time we all got to meet her.  She is awesome and such a perfect fit for my brother.  My other brother and his wife were up from southern VA and its always nice to get to spend time with them.  So my whole family was together this year.  Its so much fun...so much chaos...so much food.  On black Friday I got to go out shopping with my mom, sisters, sister-in-law and sister-in-law-to-be in Manassas.  We all had a great time and we all found some really great deals.  Then, in true Letsen women fashion, we had lunch at Olive Garden...it wouldn't be a Letsen girls outing without it.  Then on Saturday we were back in Rapp with my family to go and see a customer of my Dad's who does this amazing train set in his back yard...it was so cool.  We also went to the Peppermint Tree farm which is also a Letsen family tradition of many years, to cut down a tree for my parents home (and my sisters got one too for their homes).  Sunday we spent the day with the Wright family eating some Thanksgiving favorites and enjoying each others company...and of course, it wouldn't be a Sunday afternoon in the Wright home without a football game.

In the past couple weeks she has taken a few steps on her own.  Today she seems to be trying a lot more to walk.  Even getting up from the ground on her own.  Its so exciting.  I have been praying very diligently for my kids to walk.  Noah has been walking SO MUCH on his own.  He actually gets quite frustrated with his walker these days and much prefers to go it alone.  He doesn't even want to hold our hand.  What an absolute miracle.

We are definitely looking forward to Christmas being right around the corner.  This year we will spend Christmas Day with the Wright side of the family and head out to my side of the family that weekend.  We are very much looking forward to the New Year and all the hopes we have for a good year.  This year has been very challenging for us and we are praying for some rest, and newness in the new year.

Potty Training part 2

So Sunday ended being a HUGE fiasco. We thought after the day he had on Saturday he would do alright...maybe an accident here or there due to the distraction of traveling and playing with cousins...but we didn't think it would be as bad as it turned out to be.

The trip went great. We stopped twice along the way and we got to mom and dad's accident free. YAY Noah! We actually thought that would be worse than actually being there. Boy were we wrong. I don't think in all the times we took him to the potty there was a single time we went there without wet undies. Poor guy. He was too distracted and having too much fun to even consider going to the bathroom. How can you blame him though. He has had uninterrupted play for the past 4 years. He's never had to even consider the idea of going peepee in the toilet. By the end of this day though, Kevin and I were ready to throw in the towel and put him back in diapers. On the way home I was practically in tears because I just kept thinking about how Kevin had to go back to work on Tuesday and there was just no way my back could take that "heavy lifting" all day. I was in pain just from the few times I tried to help out. So we discussed some more options and the one that seemed to make the most sense was for Kevin to spend all day Monday (Labor Day) in the bathroom...literally...with Noah.

That he did! He set up a blanket, picnic style, on the floor and we put tons of books that Noah likes to read, games (candy land is his favorite right now), prizes for good potty time, and lots of snacks and juice/water. The night before we bought a doll at Walmart (for $9) that could drink a bottle and then go peepee. We heard this was a really good way to show the kids how to go on the potty themselves. I took Kayla and went out for a while. When I came back I heard lots of yelling going on and I couldn't quite tell if Noah was crying and upset or if they were playing. I found out later, they were playing candy land and Noah was screaming out what he was getting on his cards. SO CUTE!!! He was having so much fun and Kevin was doing such a great job of showing Noah how to go potty by making a game of it.

By about 4 in the afternoon, Kayla was down for a nap and I was on the computer, Kevin came out from the bathroom and said Noah had fallen asleep. I got very nervous, but Kevin seemed as cool as a cucumber. He said Noah so far had remained dry. Noah stayed asleep for about an hour or so and remained dry the whole time. Kevin put him on the potty right away when he woke up and he went a lot. SUCCESS!!! He was learning how to hold it for the potty. What an amazing feat!

Today I was a little nervous sending him off to school because he wouldn't go before he left. So I put a pull-up over his undies, just in case. This is the note I got home after school: Noah wouldn't go on the potty, but he remained dry all day. WOW. I am so shocked that he remained dry without ever even going to the bathroom while he was at school. I had a guy here from out gas company when Noah got home from school today. SO I wasn't able to take him right to the bathroom...but when I did, his pull-up was a bit full. Oh well, we'll just keep plugging away. He's remained dry since we took that pull up off. We have had one good trip to the bathroom so far.

SO AMAZING!!! I am so proud of him. I think this is really great considering we got a late start on the potty training business!! GO NOAH GO!!!

Magic Potty Day

Yesterday was a big milestone for Noah. Potty training! Up to this point he has shown absolutely no interest whatsoever to going peepee on the potty like a big boy. But we figured, at 4 years old, we just couldn't wait any longer for him to be "ready". They say that one of the biggest signs to look for is a child "asking" to go potty. Well, Noah just never did that. As a matter of fact, when we would ask him if he would like to try, he would begin to really fuss about it. Noah has gotten so big though, that I am really struggling to change his diaper anymore. So we felt it was time, plus with kindergarten right around the corner we need to get this under wraps.

The day yesterday went pretty well. We started off strong. We had a couple accidents through out the day, but we were trying to be very consistent about going every 10 minutes and just working our way up from there. He was all about the praises when he would go peepee on the potty and I even made a chart for him to mark his progress using NEMO stickers. I think he really liked that. He really wanted a DORY sticker, but those stickers are bigger/puffier so we thought we would save those for a big event (like poopoo). So we began to try and bribe him with a DORY sticker for that. We are also telling him, no downstairs (his play room) until he goes poopoo. We are nervous that he'll get down there and go in his pants because that is normally where he goes, because its private for him. I think towards the end of the day he was starting to understand that he needed to tell us when he needed to go, except that he was telling us just as he was beginning to go in his pants. I am sure we will get that part of it down before this long weekend is over. By the end of the day we were all very tired. LOTS of running back and forth to the potty yesterday, but I must say, we did feel successful. I think 4 accidents for a first day is pretty remarkable.

Today we are really going to try and push poopoo on the potty and we are starting out the day with 30 minute intervals. Also, today we are going out to visit my parents, so that puts a little more challenge in the training for us. But I know he can do this. We have already mapped out a couple places to stop and go potty.

We are so proud of our Noah!!! What a big boy!!!

Just got back from a long vacation...I think it was about 10 days altogether. We went down to Myrtle Beach. Great weather all week. A thunderstorm or two, but nothing that took an entire day in the sun away from us.

Kayla went through some big milestones while we were there. Not only did she cut ANOTHER tooth...her first front tooth on the top, but she also learned to crawl. My life is changing so quickly. She was into everything and all over the place.

Both kids were thoroughly entertained all week by their cousins. Kayla was doted on by all of them, while Noah was getting crazy with them. I think this beach trip really taught Noah how to interact with his sister. It is such a joy to me to see him finally acknowledging her.

Noah and Kayla both had a great time in the pool. We got Noah a blue tube to wear around his waist, he calls it the "blue sun" and he was able to float around the pool on his own without so much help from daddy and mommy (mostly daddy as I was tending to Kayla). Kayla had a baby floating device that was really great. Both our kids love being in the water.

We went to Broadway at the Beach a couple times for restaurants, but on the last day we were there we did some shopping and let Noah ride some rides.  Boy, did he ever have a great time.  He rode on a motorcycle ride that popped-a-wheelie during the ride (merry-go-round style).  But the one that gets 5 starts was the big trampoline thingy (have no clue what it was called).  He was beyond excited about it and once he got on...the look on his face was PRICELESS.  He actually got very mad at Daddy when it was time to take him off.  That is one we will remember forever and one I am sure he will go on each time we are there.  As a mom, to watch was a little terrifying...however, as happy as it made him all my fears melted away.

This week at home I have noticed Noah really watching after his sister and it really blesses my heart. He see's her picking up something or doing something she shouldn't be and he tells her no...almost like a warning to me to let me know she is in "danger". When she is napping he asks where she is...so cute. Its taken so long for him to even notice her and this is really just remarkable to me that he is doing this now. I think it took that time with his cousin's to see how they interact and react to each other and Kayla, for him to realize she is his sister and she needs him.

So now we are back to the old grind. Kevin went back to work yesterday and I felt super lonely without him. Its tough going that long having him right by my side, every day all day to him being gone all day again. I miss my babe!

Noah's Post-Op follow up

Yesterday we went to DC Children's to follow up with a CT Scan and with Dr. Myseros about Noah's progress since his shunt revision.  Dr. Myseros showed us the images from pre-op, post-op and then from yesterdays scan.  the results were unbelievable.  His ventricles were significantly smaller since his last scans.  Whats so amazing to me, is that Noah had been sick for so long and they kept ruling out his shunt because there was no change in his ventricles and the whole time, his ventricles were swollen and building up pressure, but they didn't notice the difference because they had been that way for so long.  Dr. Myseros wants to see him back in about 6 months for another CT Scan and follow up.

Noah is such a different child lately.  He's happy.  He's active and just a joy to be around.  We are so glad Noah isn't sick anymore.  What a blessing.

Jeremiah 29:11

A Wife of Noble Character

Proverbs 31 speaks of a Wife of Noble Character.  This is something I have studied off and on for many years.  This morning I am feeling the conviction to study it again.  I think my role as a wife in my own family is slightly lacking.  I have gotten completely caught up in my role as a mommy and in other roles that are less important than my roles in my own family and have somehow along the way, neglected my role as a wife. 

Being a wife is no small task.  It isn't about having that princess for a day wedding and then letting the husband take care of the rest.  God has given me a great calling in being a good wife to my husband.  My husband is an amazing man and together we have gone through a great deal in our marriage.  He deserves WAY better than what I have been giving him...as of late.  This has been heavy on my heart.  

So I am going to start by giving myself weekly challenges...although they may seem small to some and they may come easy to some...they are just things I would like to work on in my role as a wife and become second nature for me to do.  Practice makes perfect, right?!?!  These things may start out as tasks for me, but I would love for them to grow into things my husband looks forward to each day when he wakes up and when he returns from work and for them to become things I do without thinking about it, but just because I love him so much.  I want him to see how much I love him, not just hear it.

This week I would like to work on greeting my husband at the door as he gets home from work.  I want him to look forward to seeing my smiling face when he gets home and not have to worry about what he's going to be bombarded with upon coming home.  Like I said, although this may seem simple to some, it is something I (regrettably) don't always do.  I am ashamed to note how many times I have not had a pleasant greeting for him upon his return from a long day at work.  I don't want my husband to dread coming him.  I want him to look forward to it.  So after about a week or so, I want to update things I may notice through out the week as I do this.

So I haven't blogged in a while and I thought I might jot down some thoughts tonight since Kevin is running late getting home. Poor guy, he actually ran out of gas on 17. I feel so bad for him. So he is currently waiting for his friend Albert to get there with some gas for him. Albert is a good friend. Kevin didn't want me coming out all that way with the kids...although I would have done it, no questions asked. Its too hot to be stranded today.



I am currently watching Kayla as she scoots across the floor. She has been in the process (all day) of trying to crawl. It has been so awesome to watch. She's getting so close. I think that by the end of this weekend she will be getting along quite nicely.



Noah got his glasses this week and he looks absolutely adorable. Such a handsome little man and he is doing so good wearing them. I really thought we would be fighting with him on this, but he actually seems to really like them. He took them off today to lay down for a bit and I thought that would be it for the rest of the day...but he had them on when he came back upstairs. So proud of him.



I am going through a tough time this week. I have pretty much holed up in the house...other than a visit to my sister earlier in the week. My neighbor said some pretty "off" things to me this week and it really just crushed me. I spent a large part of the day crying about it and now I just don't even want to go outside and be around any of my neighbors. Really wondering what is being said behind my back...considering what was said to me on Monday.

(this was posted on facebook last night in case you may have seen it there)

I just wanted to send out an update on Noah. Some of you may or not know that Noah had surgery today...shunt revision. It has been a very long process getting to this point. Many months of vomiting, feeling sick and cranky, visits to the doctor and specialists ranging from Neuro-Surgeon, Neurologists, GI Specialist, Allergist to Ophthalmology...we have seen them all. Lots of long days in the car going back and forth trying to figure this out. In the past month Noah has had 3 hospital stays...including this one. We are currently at DC Children'sNational Medical Center. When we got here, more than ever before we were certain there was something wrong with his shunt. Yesterday they decided to tap his shunt...similar to a spinal tap they go right into the shunt. The result was bittersweet. The tap did not draw any fluid, which meant something was wrong with the shunt, which meant surgery (the bitter), which meant this was the answer that we had been praying for (the sweet) to all the vomiting, sickness and crankiness over the past several months.

Today, Noah's surgery was a success. They were able to get in and out fairly quickly and remove the old shunt and install the new one without having to adjust the tubing that drains the fluid from his head into his tummy. There were no major complications during the process. Noah is currently sitting up (somewhat) in his bed, watching Kung Fu Panda (for about the 20th time since we arrived here) and eating his 8th cracker (its all he wants and he gets whatever he wants right about now). Assuming all goes well tonight and after a clear CT Scan, we will most likely get to go home tomorrow.

Kayla has been just wonderful. She seemed very concerned for her big brother through out this process. Every time someone would come to adjust some wiring or mess with Noah, she would be straining her neck to check it out...almost as if making sure no one was hurting her big brother. It was very sweet to witness her concern in her own baby way. God's hand has been on Noah and all of us through out this process and we are so grateful to him for finally revealing the root of this problem. We are looking forward to many days without vomiting and I would be happy to never see a specialist or hospital again...where my kids are concerned.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. We have definitely felt them through out this. God has been so faithful...even in my very weak moments as a mommy watching my son go through this time in his life. We are so grateful that he has blessed both our children with very sweet spirits...especially for Kayla to be a baby and still manage to be so content with all these hospital stays and driving back and forth.

Thank you also SO MUCH for all the encouraging emails, FB messages and phone calls. It has really kept us strong and helped us get through this...we have the greatest friends and family that anyone could have. We are truly blessed!

Love and blessings back at ya!

---

http://www.marchforbabies.org/lyteyz

Peace be to you, and love joined in faith, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Grace (God's undeserved favor) be with you all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with undying and incorruptible love. AmenEphesians 6:23-24 Erin Wright

http://babiesonline.com/babies/w/wright/

What's Happening?

Hi Everyone!    First and foremost Kevin and I want to thank all of you SO MUCH for how you all banded together recently to lift up our son in prayer.  I have been told that the prayers went out all over this country for him and I must say...we DEFINITELY felt the prayers and saw how quickly God moved on behalf of our lil man!  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly our brothers and sisters in Christ will come together for us when we need them most.   As most of you know Noah has been having episodes of vomiting for the past several months and throughout this time we have been back and forth to several doctors to try and figure out what is going on.  At first, we were told he is just suffering from stomach flu and being a child in school with an already weak immune system we just have to let it run its course.  Ok, we'll except that for the first 2 times, but going on 3 and 4 and 5, I just knew it was something more than that.  So Kevin and I started to mark his episodes on the calendar and we very quickly noticed a pattern of every 2 weeks for 3 - 4 hours in the morning, every 20 to 30 minutes.  Then the last of the vomiting would taper off around 11am or noon and he would be completely fine for the rest of the day.  Eating, playing, acting as if he hadn't just spent the morning vomiting.  In the past couple months Kevin did some research on-line and found something called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (CVS) and it sounded very similar to what Noah was experiencing.  The "scheduled" vomiting (making it cyclical), the associated pain and then all of a sudden fine as if nothing had happened.  So we printed it out and took it to Noah's pediatrician.  Unfortunately, CVS isn't something easily diagnosed.  There is no simple test to diagnose it.  They basically have to test for everything else and once everything else is ruled out, they diagnose whats going on with CVS.  So Noah's PED sent us down to UVA (our home away from home) to see a GI Specialist (Dr. Barnes).   Upon seeing Dr. Barnes he also mentioned the CVS, but had to rule out some other things first.  So he sent us home to do a "clean-out" that weekend of Noah's bowels.  This resulted in Noah becoming very sick again.  Dr. Barnes suggested we get a shunt work-up for Noah because the episodes seemed to be coming on my frequently.  So upon his next vomiting episode, which was this past Monday, we contacted Noah's Pediatrician and took Noah in to get a shunt work-up done.  This consisted of a CT scan of his brain as well as an x-ray.  The work-up proved to be inconclusive.  His Ped said it looked as if his 4th ventricle was slightly larger than the last scan we did, a year ago and he suggested we contact Noah's neurosurgeon.  Being that it was a Holiday we waited till Tuesday to contact them.   On Tuesday morning I was on my way home from Kayla's PT appointment when I got a call from Noah's school that he wasn't feeling well and that they had him lying down with a pillow and blanket.  So I contacted Children's Hospital and they suggested I go ahead and bring him in that day with his scans from the day before.  So I had to go back to the Winchester Hospital to pick up the scans and as I was doing that I received a call from Noah's school again that he had started vomiting, had a seizure and stopped breathing for a couple seconds, but that he was breathing again and on his way to the local hospital.  I was at least 40 minutes away from Noah and I knew that Kevin was even further.  As panic set in, I just began to cry out to God.  I prayed for protection over my son, for God to breathe his PERFECT breath of life into my son and for Him to help me calm down so I could drive and get to my son safely.    Once at the hospital I wasn't getting any clear answers about what happened and even the doctor just seemed completely out of sorts (in the 2 times I have been to this hospital, this seemed to be the way these doctors "work"...not good).  I must say though, on behalf of Noah's teacher's and school...they were amazing and I am so grateful to them for helping to take care of Noah in the best way they knew how.  I think they handled the situation completely professionally and it is very evident how much they love those children they work with...including my son.   Noah was flown to DC Children's where they ran a BUNCH of tests, scans and everything you can think of to try and figure out what was going on.  We saw Noah's neuro-surgeon who soon ruled out any shunt malfunction.  PRAISE JESUS!  He said Noah's ventricles looked fine and that the shunt appeared to be functioning properly.  We also saw a neurologist and had an EEG done.  The EEG showed no seizure activity and the neurologist believes the seizure was a result of the dehydration and stress from the episode he had.  We also saw a GI specialist while we were there and between her and the neurologist, they both strongly believe Noah has CVS, especially considering my family history with migraines (CVS is of the migraine family).  There are still a couple more out-patient tests they would like to have done to rule out any other scenario, but they are currently treating him for CVS.  Noah will have to see a neurologist on a regular basis and have just a couple more visits with his GI Specialist.   So in hopes of ending this novel I have written and let you all go on about your day...I just want you to know how much Kevin and I appreciate and love you all.  Your support and prayers last week really kept us 'afloat'...and not just last week, we realize its been on-going.  Sometimes I wonder if its ok to continue to ask for prayer support as much as we do...as if one has a limit on how much prayer they can ask for.  It really blesses us that you all continue to pray for us and with us and continue to befriend us through it all...that you haven't given up on us.   Much love and MANY BLESSINGS to you.   Kevin, Erin, Noah and Kayla Jeremiah 29:11